Outright Mental Defective
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Angry at God
I realized when I was praying yesterday that, for the first time in a long time, I am angry with God.
When I first came into the rooms I was angry. I was angry at many people, places and things but, most of all I was angry at God. Although I did not totally believe in God, I was afraid to be angry at God. I recognized that little ole Trudge against the Supreme Being of the universe was not exactly an even fight. You know, Trudge 0, God infinity.
My sponsor told me that if God was big enough to run the world he, she or it was big enough to handle all my emotions including my anger. When allowed my self to be angry with God, I was able to work through it. Work through it that is, with the help of The Program, a sponsor and a therapist who was also in the program. I was then and only then able I turn my life over to him in Step Three.
I have been working the Third Step for many years now but, here I am again, angry at God. Again I feel like I should not be angry at God. But, I cannot help it right now, I just am. ¶ 5/31/2006 07:57:00 AM 13 comments
When I first came into the rooms I was angry. I was angry at many people, places and things but, most of all I was angry at God. Although I did not totally believe in God, I was afraid to be angry at God. I recognized that little ole Trudge against the Supreme Being of the universe was not exactly an even fight. You know, Trudge 0, God infinity.
My sponsor told me that if God was big enough to run the world he, she or it was big enough to handle all my emotions including my anger. When allowed my self to be angry with God, I was able to work through it. Work through it that is, with the help of The Program, a sponsor and a therapist who was also in the program. I was then and only then able I turn my life over to him in Step Three.
I have been working the Third Step for many years now but, here I am again, angry at God. Again I feel like I should not be angry at God. But, I cannot help it right now, I just am. ¶ 5/31/2006 07:57:00 AM 13 comments
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Gratitude List
- Fireworks on Saturday night
- The Parade
- The Picnic
- Seeing Linda at a meeting
Monday, May 29, 2006
Sunday, May 28, 2006
Weekend
I spent Saturday night camping with the Cub Scouts. Chuck was home with a fever. I have one word for camping with the Cub Scouts, Soggy! Soggy Soggy Soggy!
My mother in law arrived this afternoon. She is staying the night. She wants to see Sam in the Memorial Day Parade tomorrow.
My mother in law arrived this afternoon. She is staying the night. She wants to see Sam in the Memorial Day Parade tomorrow.
All in all it has been an excellent weekend.
¶ 5/28/2006 08:16:00 PM 4 comments
Friday, May 26, 2006
The Kids are Watching
Thanks Dave for this quote! ¶ 5/26/2006 08:10:00 AM 11 comments
Don't worry that children never listen to you. Worry that they are always watching you.-Robert Fulghum
Thanks Dave for this quote! ¶ 5/26/2006 08:10:00 AM 11 comments
Thursday, May 25, 2006
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
Gratitude
- That in God's hands my dark past is my greatest possession(see below)
- Mou-shou shrimp
- Camping this weekend
- I have made it 1/2 way through new member class at church
- Another parade on Monday
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Cling
"Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have..." Big Book page 124¶ 5/23/2006 05:47:00 PM 3 comments
Saturday, May 20, 2006
God's Way, My Way
Man oh man, I do not want to do things God's way today. Me, me, wonderful me! Just like Alexander Haige, "I am in control here."
I just sat through a class at church(we go to church on Saturday nights) on Fasting. The whole time I was thinking about how much I wanted to gorge myself.
What's going on with me? I have no idea except, I want to do things my way. And we all know how well my way works. ¶ 5/20/2006 06:54:00 PM 13 comments
I just sat through a class at church(we go to church on Saturday nights) on Fasting. The whole time I was thinking about how much I wanted to gorge myself.
What's going on with me? I have no idea except, I want to do things my way. And we all know how well my way works. ¶ 5/20/2006 06:54:00 PM 13 comments
Friday, May 19, 2006
Tiger Badge
Sam receiving his Tiger Cub Scout Badge this evening. He also received his Bobcat Badge in the same ceremony.
¶ 5/19/2006 09:15:00 PM 10 comments
Sam receiving his Tiger Cub Scout Badge this evening. He also received his Bobcat Badge in the same ceremony.
¶ 5/19/2006 09:15:00 PM 10 comments
Thursday, May 18, 2006
Life is Hard
¶ 5/18/2006 05:18:00 AM 16 comments"Life is hard but, it is harder when your stupid."
Steve S.
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
Gratitude List
- Sunshine! Honest to goodness sunshine outside my window this morning.
Update: I finally read all those E-mails you guys sent me from my February freak out. Yipee!
¶ 5/17/2006 05:12:00 AM 12 comments
God and Caffeine Withdrawl
The power of God runs deep.
Like many of us alcoholics my addiction took me to various institutions. At one point, I was in a halfway house and I said some things that I probably should not have. I said something like, “I am going to kill myself, bitch”
Anyway before I knew it, two young social workers came to give me a psych evaluation. I end up in the psych ward (or as I like to call it, the stress and depression unit) of Hennepin County Hospital in Minneapolis. It was freaky there. I cannot even really begin to articulate what it was like.
Anyhow, I had been there for 24 hours and I had just a horrible caffeine withdrawal headache. All the coffee was decaf and I could not get of the ward to get a soda or anything. I would have killed for a coke at that point. I started to pray. I don’t even remember what I prayed about. A little while later the diner trays come and this young guy turns and asked me, “Would you like a coke.” It had come up on his dinner tray by mistake.
What can I say; the power of God runs deep. ¶ 5/17/2006 12:07:00 AM 6 comments
Like many of us alcoholics my addiction took me to various institutions. At one point, I was in a halfway house and I said some things that I probably should not have. I said something like, “I am going to kill myself, bitch”
Anyway before I knew it, two young social workers came to give me a psych evaluation. I end up in the psych ward (or as I like to call it, the stress and depression unit) of Hennepin County Hospital in Minneapolis. It was freaky there. I cannot even really begin to articulate what it was like.
Anyhow, I had been there for 24 hours and I had just a horrible caffeine withdrawal headache. All the coffee was decaf and I could not get of the ward to get a soda or anything. I would have killed for a coke at that point. I started to pray. I don’t even remember what I prayed about. A little while later the diner trays come and this young guy turns and asked me, “Would you like a coke.” It had come up on his dinner tray by mistake.
What can I say; the power of God runs deep. ¶ 5/17/2006 12:07:00 AM 6 comments
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Welcome Broken91
I would like to welcome fellow Connecticut recovery Blogger, Broken91 to our fold.
¶ 5/16/2006 08:14:00 AM 1 comments
The New Ark
What do you think of this prototype for my new ark? It is nice and roomy and in a pinch, I can land my new Black Hawk Helicoptor on the roof. I might as well since I convinced myself that it is never going to stop raining in Connecticut.
O.K. I feel a little bad complaing about the rain here when a State of Emergeny has been declared for J.J., the rest of Mass and two other New England States.
Update: It stopped raining here about 4:00 p.m. Well maybe I was projecting a bit. However, I still like the ark.
¶ 5/16/2006 02:53:00 AM 12 comments
What do you think of this prototype for my new ark? It is nice and roomy and in a pinch, I can land my new Black Hawk Helicoptor on the roof. I might as well since I convinced myself that it is never going to stop raining in Connecticut.O.K. I feel a little bad complaing about the rain here when a State of Emergeny has been declared for J.J., the rest of Mass and two other New England States.
Update: It stopped raining here about 4:00 p.m. Well maybe I was projecting a bit. However, I still like the ark.
¶ 5/16/2006 02:53:00 AM 12 comments
Monday, May 15, 2006
Rain
It seems to me like it has been raining for ever. Everything is damp and my allergies are driving me crazy. I know that the rain is life on life's terms but, Geez I am sick of it. I am ready to build an ark.
¶ 5/15/2006 04:53:00 AM 9 comments
Saturday, May 13, 2006
High School Musical
One Saturday night last winter, Sam talked me into watching a Disney original movie. The movie was called High School Musical.
I really don't like watching most kid's shows and often sneak off to do something else. I ended up however, watching all of High School Musical with him. ¶ 5/13/2006 07:26:00 PM 3 comments
I really don't like watching most kid's shows and often sneak off to do something else. I ended up however, watching all of High School Musical with him. ¶ 5/13/2006 07:26:00 PM 3 comments
Friday, May 12, 2006
Gratitude List
- Money from Chuck's Dad
- I get to go to work today
- Prayer
- Mother's day on Sunday
- New members class at church
- It's is Friday
Thursday, May 11, 2006
Overheard at Meetings
Last night I went to a meeting with my friend Mary Jo. It was a different meeting than I usually attend. She has been on me about going to different meetings. The topic was things we heard in the first few weeks or months that kept us coming back. One guy told about his sponsor who used to put his arm around his shoulder and ask, "have you had enough yet asshole." It is sort of a poor man first step.
For me it did not matter how many, "keep coming back" or "it works if you work it" I got nothing worked until I finally had had enough. Today I am grateful that I still have had enough. ¶ 5/11/2006 01:03:00 AM 11 comments
For me it did not matter how many, "keep coming back" or "it works if you work it" I got nothing worked until I finally had had enough. Today I am grateful that I still have had enough. ¶ 5/11/2006 01:03:00 AM 11 comments
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
The Waltons
I love "The Waltons" and every gosh darn functional family moment.
¶ 5/10/2006 08:33:00 AM 8 comments
I love "The Waltons" and every gosh darn functional family moment.
¶ 5/10/2006 08:33:00 AM 8 comments
Monday, May 08, 2006
Black Hawk Down but Not Out
What do you think should I update "my ride" or rather "my flight" to this really cool Black Hawk helicopter ¶ 5/08/2006 06:36:00 PM 13 comments
What do you think should I update "my ride" or rather "my flight" to this really cool Black Hawk helicopter ¶ 5/08/2006 06:36:00 PM 13 comments
Still Avoiding
I am still alive and still avoiding stuff. I did however, call my doctor about my meds. Just, one small step.
¶ 5/08/2006 03:54:00 PM 1 comments
Friday, May 05, 2006
Avoidance
There are three things that I need to do that I have been putting off doing for the past several months.
First, I need to read my Gmail. I have not read my Gmail since that night that I freaked out and asked for everyone phone number. So if you sent me your phone number I am sorry that I have not responded, I am still avoiding reading your E-mail.
Yesterday, I had the day off but, I could not get anything done because I felt so bad about the things I have been avoiding. ¶ 5/05/2006 04:48:00 AM 12 comments
First, I need to read my Gmail. I have not read my Gmail since that night that I freaked out and asked for everyone phone number. So if you sent me your phone number I am sorry that I have not responded, I am still avoiding reading your E-mail.
Yesterday, I had the day off but, I could not get anything done because I felt so bad about the things I have been avoiding. ¶ 5/05/2006 04:48:00 AM 12 comments
Thursday, May 04, 2006
New Recovery Club Website
Hey folks, this is the recovery club that I usually attend.
¶ 5/04/2006 10:56:00 AM 5 comments
Gratitude
- Sam is reading and reading well
- I have a few new creative ideas to keep me going
- Chuck's job is going very, very well
- I am enjoying my new friendship with Mary Jo
- My willingness to serve
- Yet another good nights sleep
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
500th Post
I feel like I should have something profound to say for number 500. Nope!
¶ 5/03/2006 04:23:00 PM 9 comments
Gratitude List
I was a day behind in my E-mails from Nancy. She called last night from home, safe and sound.
Today I am grateful for:
- Rain
- Nancy's safe return trip
- A good night's sleep
- A loving God
- New ideas
- Prayer time
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Where in the World is Nancy
Thanks for asking, Nancy hopes to be in VA tonight.
¶ 5/02/2006 02:27:00 PM 1 comments
Gratitude
- A good day yesterday
- Paid employment today
- Rain
- A long run of good nights of sleep
- A loving, awesome, kick-ass God
- Prayer time
- Family time
Monday, May 01, 2006
Prayers for Nancy
My mother in law Nancy is in the process driving home from Tucson to Connecticut. Last night she was in Oklahoma. This is the first time she has done this drive alone since she lost Vince last December. So if you could send one up for her, I would appreciate it.
¶ 5/01/2006 06:13:00 AM 9 comments
Gratitude List
- A great weekend
- Actual physical labor
- Prayer
- Worked the kitchen at Open Mic on Saturday
- An awesome sponsor
