Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Angry at God
I realized when I was praying yesterday that, for the first time in a long time, I am angry with God.
When I first came into the rooms I was angry. I was angry at many people, places and things but, most of all I was angry at God. Although I did not totally believe in God, I was afraid to be angry at God. I recognized that little ole Trudge against the Supreme Being of the universe was not exactly an even fight. You know, Trudge 0, God infinity.
My sponsor told me that if God was big enough to run the world he, she or it was big enough to handle all my emotions including my anger. When allowed my self to be angry with God, I was able to work through it. Work through it that is, with the help of The Program, a sponsor and a therapist who was also in the program. I was then and only then able I turn my life over to him in Step Three.
I have been working the Third Step for many years now but, here I am again, angry at God. Again I feel like I should not be angry at God. But, I cannot help it right now, I just am. ¶ 5/31/2006 07:57:00 AM
When I first came into the rooms I was angry. I was angry at many people, places and things but, most of all I was angry at God. Although I did not totally believe in God, I was afraid to be angry at God. I recognized that little ole Trudge against the Supreme Being of the universe was not exactly an even fight. You know, Trudge 0, God infinity.
My sponsor told me that if God was big enough to run the world he, she or it was big enough to handle all my emotions including my anger. When allowed my self to be angry with God, I was able to work through it. Work through it that is, with the help of The Program, a sponsor and a therapist who was also in the program. I was then and only then able I turn my life over to him in Step Three.
I have been working the Third Step for many years now but, here I am again, angry at God. Again I feel like I should not be angry at God. But, I cannot help it right now, I just am. ¶ 5/31/2006 07:57:00 AM
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I like what your sponsor said. That was very wise. I think God is more concerned with our emotional honesty and trust in HIS? grace. When children are angry with us don't we prefer to have them express their emotions and talk with us instead of sitting alone in a quiet guilty rage? That's how I like to see it, because I get angry at God a lot too... (Sometimes I even call God nasty names and give God Hell for all the messed up things in this world)But,I know God understands me.
# posted by 
: 8:50 AM
: 8:50 AM
feelin's 'aint facts, or so they say... but they are feelin's and they are strong and real! Its scary to be angry with God... but it happens, this too shall pass, I am sure... prayin' for ya!!
fyi: I've been where you're at, will probably be there again... I love Step 3, instant gratification!
fyi: I've been where you're at, will probably be there again... I love Step 3, instant gratification!
Well you have been holding back that anger for a long time. In order to move forward we must go through our stuff, can't go around it. There are six stages to grieving loss that we must go through. When you came to AA you lost your old ways......Fear, Anger, Grief, Depression, Anxiety, and Denial.......allow yourself to feel each one in order to heal.
I seem to be understanding more and more that anger isn't always a bad thing at times.It is a way for us to seek truth perhaps...sometimes we fight it...you are brave to admit it instead of pretending nothing is bugging you.Go with it,ya never know where it will take you.Embrace.
Thanks for sharing~
Thanks for sharing~
# posted by : 10:56 AM
: 10:56 AM
That was a very good post. Hardcore. I liked it.
Anger. It might kill me. I too struggle with it big time.
When I was drunka nd I asked God to get me out of another mess, he never did. It took me a while after stopping drinking that God had no obligation to help a drunk who wouldn't even begin to help himself.
Nice posting, sweetie.
:-)
Anger. It might kill me. I too struggle with it big time.
When I was drunka nd I asked God to get me out of another mess, he never did. It took me a while after stopping drinking that God had no obligation to help a drunk who wouldn't even begin to help himself.
Nice posting, sweetie.
:-)
I personally like that you have expressed this and shared with us. It has never done me anygood to hold it in. I have to do the footwork and look inside myself when I have that anger thing foing on inside. Take care of yourself.
Acceptance of someone greater than you. Your still here for a reason. Be thankful, he or she is with you. I hate being tested it sucks, but it is life on lifes terms not mine.
thanks Trudge for your courage and honesty
I dont know if I have ever been mad at God, I LOL didnt know you could... hmmmmmmmmmm
I am not mocking you, just was really poundering this.
I know God, or at least my GOD, who I know knows your GOD, and they may be one in the same..?
BUT I know God loves you NO MATTER what, and I know you know, and I am sure he understand and loves you even though you are angry
I dont know if I have ever been mad at God, I LOL didnt know you could... hmmmmmmmmmm
I am not mocking you, just was really poundering this.
I know God, or at least my GOD, who I know knows your GOD, and they may be one in the same..?
BUT I know God loves you NO MATTER what, and I know you know, and I am sure he understand and loves you even though you are angry
Amen sister! It felt horrible to be angry at God at first, now I know he loves me no matter what! Better for me to unleash my anger at God rather than other people.
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