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Outright Mental Defective
Monday, October 31, 2005
I am writing this at work and I don't have much time to go over it so I hope this makes sense.

I had the coffee commitment for the Sunday Night Step Meeting for October. I was making coffee in the kitchen of the club last night when Carol came in and asked me if I had heard about Ted. "Yeah, he is on another bender," I said. Ted had the habit of going out every few weeks or months sometimes for a day sometimes for a year. "No," she said. I looked in her eyes and I knew what she was about to tell me. "Is he dead," I asked. Carol nodded in a agreement.

I shook my head in frustration. I liked Ted a lot. I was a writer and I loved talking to him. He could tell a story that would convince almost anyone of almost anything. I wanted Ted to get sober as much as I have ever wanted anyone to get sober. But the man who was so convincing just could not convince himself to get sober.

"Suicide," I asked. "He was found on his kitchen floor open bottles everywhere," she reported. "No one knows exactly what happened yet," she continued. I did not really know what to think or feel. I wasn't really surprised. I was sad because as long as Ted was alive and kept coming around there was hope. Now the only hope I have for Ted is he is at peace. Maybe that is the best hope of all.
Sunday, October 30, 2005
  Nightmare on Main Street
Every year the Saturday before Holloween our town hosts Nightmare on Main Street. This is where the kids go trick or treating on our town green. There are puppet shows, hayrides and a haunted house in addition to the candy.

Sam wanted to be a vampire this year. Ah there is my little undead. Believe it or not in past year this kid was a cat, a cowboy, a teddy bear and an angle. O.K. he was two for the angel costume but he was an angel non the less. Posted by Picasa
Saturday, October 29, 2005
  Always Learning
"If you teach a man anything, he will never learn." Bernard Shaw
Friday, October 28, 2005
  It Must Be Friday
We are going to have dinner with my mother-in-law and step father-in-law tonight. The stated purpose of the visit is to say goodbye before they fly off for the annual winter in Tucson. In reality however, Vince who is just a few weeks shy of 85 was given only four months to live over a year and a half ago. He defied all odds but now he is really failing.

So we are not going to say goodbye until Christmas we are going to say goodbye forever. I hate that. I am however, scared not to pretend that its just goodbye for now. I am really not good with this kind of thing. All I can really do is just keep praying for God's will and keep turning my own will over. I hate that too.
Thursday, October 27, 2005
  Acceptance is the Answer
"And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. Big Book, page 417
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
  hAAlf nAAked ThursdAAy
I am glad that the truth about me has finally come out. I am really Bubbles of the Powerpuff Girls. Do you ever watch us, we kick butt and make it home by bedtime. No need for any stinking helicopter here because, I can fly.

Oh yeah, as my mother used to say, "the men in the white coats will be coming to get me."Posted by Picasa
  Sun, what sun?
It stopped raining and for approximately 27 minutes the sun actually showed itself. It was very disorienting.

I love sunshine. I love sunshine. I love sunshine...
  I love driving rain
I love driving rain. I love driving rain. I love driving rain. I love driving rain. I love driving rain...

p.s. Where the heck is Phil?
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
  Coffee Bitch is Too Funny
I know most of you read Coffee Bitch already but, this post is too funny. If you have not gotten the hint already, click here to read it.
Monday, October 24, 2005
  Heliport Expansion
What do you think of this design for the heliport expansion? Dave was nice enough to send these along. We may however, have to move the heliport off our roof.
  Do I Want to Get Well
And when Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time he asked him, "Do you want to get well?" John 5:6 In other words, we were entirely ready to have God remove these defects of character. Step Six. Am I entirely ready today?
Friday, October 21, 2005
  Weekend Plans

Having our own heliport sure does simplify things.
Thursday, October 20, 2005
  hAAlf nAAked thursdAAy
Better late than never. Posted by Picasa
  Yikes HAAlf NAAked
Yikes, hAAlf nAAked I forgot. I will post something this evening.
  Big Chicken
I am a big chicken! Cluck, cluck and cluck! I chickened out at my doctors yesterday.

Let me fill you in. I have a surgical tube in my left ear. How it got there is a long and uninteresting story. The doctor has been wanting to take it out for several months now. I just do not want to take it out right now. I did not realize that I did not want to go through with it until I was in the chair. There I was with the needle pointed at my ear and I could not go through with it.

I have never chickened out with a doctor before. I always go through with whatever horrifying thing they suggest. It was a weird feeling.
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
  Cheney to Resign
Hey folks check out this story about our "beloved" Veep Dick Cheney. Christmas may come early this year but, I cannot say that I like Condoleezza Rice any better. Good thing that God is in charge and not me.
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
  Charles Rocket
As far as I am concerned, there were two cool things that happened in 1981. First I graduated from high school and Charles Rocket said the F-word on Saturday Night Live. Danger High Voltage posts:
Actor Charles Rocket, whose unscripted ( PASTE F-WORD HERE) on "Saturday Night Live" in 1981 cost him his network television job, has committed suicide by cutting his throat, police said on Monday.
Rocket, 56, was found dead behind his Connecticut residence on October 7 with his throat slashed, said Connecticut State Police Sgt. J. Paul Vance.
Click here to read the rest of Bill Reid's post.
  Gratitude List

I am not very grateful today. I am in fact, crabby. So in an effort to get my head out of my ass, I have complied a gratitude list.

  1. A God who loves me and saved me from myself
  2. The fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous
  3. Two cars that run well
  4. Chuck's new job
  5. A good trip to the shore for the weekend
  6. Cathy willingness to watch Sam in the morning
  7. Vonage
  8. Tomorrow off
  9. Health insurance
  10. Blogging
  11. A job to go to today

FYI, I fixed the link on the post below.

Monday, October 17, 2005
  Environment Trumps Family History
For those of us who are both in recovery from alcoholism and have children, there is good news. Yahoo News reports:
A family history of alcoholism has little to do with the age at which a child takes his or her first alcoholic drink, a U.S. study finds.

Click the title to read more.

  Effort and Outcome
"The effort is up to you the outcome is up to God." I don't know about the rest of you but, personally I wish it was the other way around.
Sunday, October 16, 2005
  Sun, well almost
It has not rained for almost 24 hours now. Yeehaw!
Saturday, October 15, 2005
  Drunken Horse Thief
When I first sobered up there was an old timer who always used to say, "what you get when you sober up a drunken horse thief?" The answer is the old adage, a sober horse thief. The questions is am I still a sober horse thief today?
Friday, October 14, 2005
It has really been raining a lot here lately but, maybe I should check with my sponsor before building an ark. Click here for our ten day forcast
Thursday, October 13, 2005
  Totally Spies
Not the Archies, although I loved them at one point, it is Totally Spies. My son say that Totally Spies is totally wicked. I of course am totally middle aged and totally do not know what he is talking about.

Yeah it is Thursday and I did not forget!
  Alcoholic Solution
A few days ago a woman who I have never seen before, showed up at my A.A. meeting.  She shared that she had been in and out of rooms for 14 years and she can not understand why she keeps drinking.  “I don’t know what is wrong with me,” she said.  “Why do I keep drinking when it causes so much trouble,” she continued.

After the meeting I approached her.  I prayed before I approach her because, I did not want to just be a smart ass about the whole thing. “I know what is wrong with you,” I said.  “You do,” she said, taken a little aback.  “Yeah you’re an alcoholic just like me, and there is a solution,” I said.  She laughed and then patted me on the shoulder in the same way you pat a small child on the head.  “Oh,” she said you are funny.  The sad part is I was not being funny at all.    
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
  Operation Eden
Operation Eden is one man's (Clayton Cubbit) personal chronicle of Hurricane Katrina. This Blog is so good it is unreal.
  Feeling Better
I am feeling much better today. Thank you for asking. When I was not sleeping, I spent yesterday sucking on zinc tabs and watching the History Channel. I love the History Channel. I did manage to make the morning meeting but, I did relapse on my Coca Cola addiction. I swear I went into the Short Man’s Smoke Shop intending to buy Sprit as Scott had suggested. Oh well today is a new day!
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
  My Needs
My Higher Power, who I choose to call God, really does give me everything I need. Last night I was a little anxious and fearful because I did not get a work call for today.  This morning the cold I have been trying to fight off has taken over my body.  God gave me everything I need, a day to be sick.  
Monday, October 10, 2005
  Our New Heliport
Welcome to our new heliport. We got it finished right on time. It was tough finishing on schedule though. First, we only had a weekend. Second, during this weekend New England was experiencing torrential downpours. It was worth it, after all Sam is our only child.
Does everyone know Bob?
  Totally Nuts
As I mentioned in yesterday's post, we took our son Sam and his friend Spencer to the Basketball Hall of Fame yesterday. At lunch Spencer was complaining about his four year-old brother Max. Spencer was upset about something Max was doing. I asked him what he did when he was upset with Max and he said serious as a heart attack, "I tell him Max you are totally nuts."

I was totally nuts when I came into the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. We call it insanity. Today I have a daily reprieve from my insanity if I choose to work the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Sunday, October 09, 2005
  A Place for Me
I spoke the other night. Shared my experience, strength and hope with a small group of nursing home residents. Because it was a nursing home, I assumed that they would all be elderly. I assumed wrong.

I assumed wrong because, there was a number of young and middle age people. Most of these younger people were at the nursing home, at least in part due to their addictions. As a veteran of numerous institutions, had I not gotten sober, I could have easily ended up in a nursing home. Today, there are not readily accessible treatment centers and halfway houses like there was when I was getting sober. I understand from a couple of nurse friends of mine that a lot of people with addictions and mental illness end up in nursing homes now because there is no other place for them. I am grateful that, at the time their was another place for me.
  Gratitude List
Saturday, October 08, 2005
  People Pleaser
Come a little closer, I have something to admit to you all. Are you ready? I am a people pleaser. Yikes, one of those! You see I went to my first chemical dependency treatment center shortly after Melody Beatie’s; Codependent No More became popular. We were all given copies of the book (at the expense of our insurance companies) and told to work on our codependence. I protested I was not codependent; I was not a people pleaser! I really wasn’t but it is hard to be codependent when you completely isolate yourself from the rest of humanity.
  Writer's Block
I have not been posting much because I am struggling with writers block. I become self conscious. I get stuck because I keep rewriting my first few sentences.    
  I am in Control, no really
Coffee Bitch has an interesting post on the illusion of control.
Friday, October 07, 2005
  The Next Four Days
I have the next four days off from work. I was really excited that I have the next four days off until I realized so do my husband and son. Don’t get me wrong I love my family but four days of family togetherness, yikes. We were supposed to go on the Cub Scout campout this weekend but, it got canceled. So now we are all looking for something to do. Today, I want to go to Lake Compounce, Chuck wants to go to Boston and Sam wants to build a heliport on our roof. Somehow what ever we do I think the serenity prayer is going to play a big part for me.
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
  High School
I had the opportunity recently to spend a few days in our local high school.  High school has not changed, not even a little bit.  It is still just as brutal as it ever was.  It is frightening actually.  All the people you went to school with are still there.  Not literally of course, your classmates are divorced, balding and living in Tempe, Arizona but someone else has taken up their role.  

●The jocks, they are still there.

●The gay guy who is pretending to be a womanizer, he is still there.

●The burnouts or what ever they call them now, still there.

●The pregnant under classmen, they are still there.

●The invisible people are still there and still invisible.  

●The overachievers they are all still there.  

All the high school archetypes are all there. They are all carrying out their class warfare and subtler forms of character assassination. Thank God for growing up.    
Monday, October 03, 2005
  Gratitude List
Sunday, October 02, 2005
  Simple Program
A.A. is a simple program for complicated people like me. Tom G.
Outright Mental Defective is an ongoing conversation about living sober one day at a time. http://soberrant.blogspot.com/

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