Ted I am writing this at work and I don't have much time to go over it so I hope this makes sense.

I had the coffee commitment for the Sunday Night Step Meeting for October. I was making coffee in the kitchen of the club last night when Carol came in and asked me if I had heard about Ted. "Yeah, he is on another bender," I said. Ted had the habit of going out every few weeks or months sometimes for a day sometimes for a year. "No," she said. I looked in her eyes and I knew what she was about to tell me. "Is he dead," I asked. Carol nodded in a agreement.

I shook my head in frustration. I liked Ted a lot. I was a writer and I loved talking to him. He could tell a story that would convince almost anyone of almost anything. I wanted Ted to get sober as much as I have ever wanted anyone to get sober. But the man who was so convincing just could not convince himself to get sober.

"Suicide," I asked. "He was found on his kitchen floor open bottles everywhere," she reported. "No one knows exactly what happened yet," she continued. I did not really know what to think or feel. I wasn't really surprised. I was sad because as long as Ted was alive and kept coming around there was hope. Now the only hope I have for Ted is he is at peace. Maybe that is the best hope of all.  ¶ 10/31/2005 10:14:00 AM