Tuesday, October 23, 2007
My Mother
I am having a hard time dealing with my mother since my father died. No, let me rephrase that. I am having a harder time with my mother since my Dad died. I have pretty much always had a hard time dealing with her.
I use to call my mother the Norman Vincent Peale of negative thinking. She has this grinding negativity about her. She can pick out the negative aspect to any event from a mile away. Her negativity is so much worse now, that she is grieving my Dad.
She won't however, go to grief counseling or take any of the other help the hospice has offered her. Instead she gets me on the phone and talks about the time she was snubbed at my cousin's wedding. The wedding was in 1969 and my cousin has been dead for ten years but, my mother is still mad about it. She has a million old wounds that she keeps bringing up like they happened yesterday. Most of the time I just cannot wait to get her off the phone. ¶ 10/23/2007 04:30:00 AM
I use to call my mother the Norman Vincent Peale of negative thinking. She has this grinding negativity about her. She can pick out the negative aspect to any event from a mile away. Her negativity is so much worse now, that she is grieving my Dad.
She won't however, go to grief counseling or take any of the other help the hospice has offered her. Instead she gets me on the phone and talks about the time she was snubbed at my cousin's wedding. The wedding was in 1969 and my cousin has been dead for ten years but, my mother is still mad about it. She has a million old wounds that she keeps bringing up like they happened yesterday. Most of the time I just cannot wait to get her off the phone. ¶ 10/23/2007 04:30:00 AM
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OMG Trudge...I would love to see you. I go to Charlestown all the time for meetings (that is where Bunker Hill is) and OMG.....That would be so cool. My city is very very historial...I would love to show you and Sam the sites.
oxoxo
JJ
oxoxo
JJ
I went through something like this with my dad after mum died. It ain't easy. I draw on a lot of the lessons I've learned in the rooms.
"Those of us who have tried to shoulder the entire burden and trouble of others find we are soon overcome by them," (p. 132, Big Book).
I know you're not alone. My boyfriend (also in AA) has been going through a similar issue with his mother for the past six months. She's doing all the things your mother is doing.
It's a big strain for him and it gets old sometimes. But he says he sees her pain and can't help but feel compassion.
I hope that your mom (and his mom) get better soon ... I don't think they really want to be like that.
I know you're not alone. My boyfriend (also in AA) has been going through a similar issue with his mother for the past six months. She's doing all the things your mother is doing.
It's a big strain for him and it gets old sometimes. But he says he sees her pain and can't help but feel compassion.
I hope that your mom (and his mom) get better soon ... I don't think they really want to be like that.
It's too bad that not everyone has the benefit of the program. It would be nice if they did. Holding onto old resentments is such a waste of energy. Detaching with love seems like a good thing to do.
it is difficult to try and get someone help when they don't want it (we all know that)! it is extra frustrating when you KNOW that the things they are being offered would help them immensely, and still they don't want it.
pray for her. it is the best method of helping someone that doesn't think they need help.
pray for her. it is the best method of helping someone that doesn't think they need help.
# posted by 
: 8:09 PM
: 8:09 PM
You know what is really weird? When I can see how I irritate the crap out of my kids - and I think I am so perfectly NICE!
I am going through an angry stage in my grief, angry at people who has a mum! Irrational isnt it?
All I know is that when she died, we were not in touch everyday or had a particularly close relationship, even so, it completely shocked my system mentally, physically and spiritually. it comes at me like waves and at the beginning i didnt stop writing step10's and crying and praying. I cant imagine how it would be to lose a partner or companion of ?50 or more years, and not have fellowship or tools.
It would be so easy for me to sit angry at other people rather than just accept that I am angry at my mum for not being there and now being gone! But I have the gift of inventory and restraint oif tngue and pen. Which saves everyone else from my resentments!
I am sorry it sounds very tough :(
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All I know is that when she died, we were not in touch everyday or had a particularly close relationship, even so, it completely shocked my system mentally, physically and spiritually. it comes at me like waves and at the beginning i didnt stop writing step10's and crying and praying. I cant imagine how it would be to lose a partner or companion of ?50 or more years, and not have fellowship or tools.
It would be so easy for me to sit angry at other people rather than just accept that I am angry at my mum for not being there and now being gone! But I have the gift of inventory and restraint oif tngue and pen. Which saves everyone else from my resentments!
I am sorry it sounds very tough :(
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