Living by Comparison
  ¶ 9/27/2007 06:25:00 AM 5 comments

  Gratitude List

• M.J.
• I get to go to a meeting today
• I get to look for a new job today
• I get to live another day sober
• I get to help another alcoholic today
• The leaves are starting to turn here in New England

  ¶ 9/25/2007 08:34:00 AM 8 comments

  More Meeting Stuff

I talked to my sponsor about the what to do about the women's A.A. meeting. She suggested a few good ideas.

1. She suggested that we have a group conscience before we hit our one-year anniversary and talk about the upcoming year.
2. She suggested that at this group conscience, I suggest formalize some of our commitments. In other words instead of who ever shows first up chairs the meeting, we rotate the chair on a monthly basis.
3. She suggested that we flyer the A.A. community. I always asumme because we told "everybody" in November that "everybody" still remembers
4. And I will add one of my own, pray. Because, you guys are right, God chairs the meeting.

  ¶ 9/21/2007 06:32:00 AM 13 comments

  Death of an A.A. Meeting As much as I do not want to admit it, I think our Thursday women’s Big Book meeting may be dying. Attendance is way down. A couple of us started this meeting just last November and for a while we were getting six to ten women every week. The past couple of months however, we are lucky to get three.

A long time ago, an old timer told me that if I started a meeting I had to commit to it for a year. So, I committed to it for a year but now the year is almost up. Lately I been feeling like I am single handedly propping up a meeting that otherwise would have disbanded. I have to ask myself how much of this is about doing God’s will and how much of it is about my ego. You know the, “damn it I will make this meeting work” syndrome.

I should ask my sponsor about this but I think when we hit a year I am going to quietly back off. I will still attend on a regular basis but I am not going to be the one to always be there. I am sad about it but it should not be “Trudge’s meeting” meeting like it seems to be now.  ¶ 9/19/2007 05:56:00 AM 12 comments

  Gratitude List

• Peace of Mind
• A road map for my job search
• My friend M.J.
• The Thursday Women's Big Book meeting
• All my Blogger Buddies

  ¶ 9/18/2007 08:01:00 AM 9 comments

  Al-Anon I did not go to Al-Anon last night. My friend fell through and I chickened out on going by myself.  ¶ 9/15/2007 07:08:00 AM 9 comments

  Gratitude List

• New computer
• It's Friday
• A good night's sleep
• I am going to attend my first Al-Anon meeting tonight

  ¶ 9/14/2007 09:39:00 AM 10 comments

  Gratitude List

• For the ability to take criticism from friends
• For learning how to distinguish my "stuff" from other people's "stuff"
• For a good night's sleep
• For a God who listens to my prayers

  ¶ 9/13/2007 10:36:00 AM 6 comments

  Gratitude List

• I got to go to a bunch of A.A. meetings last week
• I got to help another alcoholic by meeting her at those meetings
• Sam's school year has gotten off to a good start, and I am cautiously optimistic about the third grade
• My friend Rob who gave me this computer

  ¶ 9/12/2007 04:40:00 AM 5 comments

  I Back!!! Sorry for the delay in posting. The motherboard on my computer went down last Wednesday. Luckily, I have a friend in the program who rebuilds computers and gives them away for free. The computer he gave me is better than the one I had.

I am feeling much better about my Dad, thank you all for your comments.  ¶ 9/11/2007 05:30:00 PM 6 comments

  Thank you everyone for your kind comments on Friday’s post. I really appreciate each and every one of them.

I never liked my father (click here to read the original post). Now he is dead and I feel awful that I did not like him more. I should have liked him more. Maybe I could have liked him more if I had tried harder.

I do not like my father for two reasons. First, a lot of my dislike of my father stems from me being my mother’s confidant growing up. As her sounding board, I took on much of my mother’s anger toward my father so that she did not have to. Then she could gush about how wonderful he was and what a great marriage they had.

Second, my father never seemed to like me. My mother said that he liked me, that he loved me and that I was his princess but, he often acted like he could not stand me. When I would get angry at the way he treated me my mother would say that it was because of his low self esteem and I needed to be more understanding.


I guess that everyone else liked my father. According to her she has been inundated by calls and letters from people who liked him. People who had nothing but, fond memories of him. I wish one of them was me.  ¶ 9/04/2007 03:21:00 AM 23 comments