Sunday, July 13, 2008
Help Me!
I am struggling with one of my sponsees. I love her dearly and I am as close to her as anyone I have ever sponsored. She just celebrated two years sober and I have sponsored her twenty months of those two years. In spite of all these good things, I am not sure I can go on sponsoring her.
Why do I want to end the relationship? At two year sober she continues to have unprotected sex with men she barely knows. She lines up men the way I used to line up glasses of wine. All the while she plays the happily married suburban wife to her highly successful but clueless husband. I have suggested therapy, Sex Addicts Anonymous and several other things to no avail.
I was taught in this program that you never fire a sponsee. That if you fire a sponsee it is too much about you and not enough about them. As much as I love her I really do not want to be standing next to the tracks when the inevitable train wreck happens. What should I do? ¶ 7/13/2008 02:24:00 PM
Why do I want to end the relationship? At two year sober she continues to have unprotected sex with men she barely knows. She lines up men the way I used to line up glasses of wine. All the while she plays the happily married suburban wife to her highly successful but clueless husband. I have suggested therapy, Sex Addicts Anonymous and several other things to no avail.
I was taught in this program that you never fire a sponsee. That if you fire a sponsee it is too much about you and not enough about them. As much as I love her I really do not want to be standing next to the tracks when the inevitable train wreck happens. What should I do? ¶ 7/13/2008 02:24:00 PM
Comments:
<< Home
I am sorry to hear that. Has she done her 4th step? Maybe she should do it again. They say its a selfish program and maybe you need to try being selfish for your sanity. Good luck
It's not up to me to give you any answers (as if I had any) but I am sure you've discussed the consequences with her.
I wonder how she would handle a sponsee of her own who was doing the same behavior.
Good luck. Take care of yourself.
I wonder how she would handle a sponsee of her own who was doing the same behavior.
Good luck. Take care of yourself.
Ah, man I hate situations like these. I've had them many times and have, despite believing I shouldn't, had to fire sponsees. I feel your pain.
I really appreciate the suggestion above of encouraging a Fourth and Fifth step, with special attention to a sexual inventory. I have done two "focused" fourth steps on relationships and it's been helpful to me. However, with some sponsees it's like asking them to stand on their heads naked at high noon. They just won't do it.
It helps me to remember that I struggle with sponsees' behavior sometimes because I think it reflects poorly on me. It doesn't. Their choices are theirs, despite my best efforts.
Certainly try step work (you do it too) and talk with your sponsor. And pray for her a lot. And tell her that her behavior is affecting you in such a way that you're considering moving on. None of these things may change what she's doing, but at least you'll be keeping your side of the street clean.
Keep us posted on how this goes, okay?
Suzanne
I really appreciate the suggestion above of encouraging a Fourth and Fifth step, with special attention to a sexual inventory. I have done two "focused" fourth steps on relationships and it's been helpful to me. However, with some sponsees it's like asking them to stand on their heads naked at high noon. They just won't do it.
It helps me to remember that I struggle with sponsees' behavior sometimes because I think it reflects poorly on me. It doesn't. Their choices are theirs, despite my best efforts.
Certainly try step work (you do it too) and talk with your sponsor. And pray for her a lot. And tell her that her behavior is affecting you in such a way that you're considering moving on. None of these things may change what she's doing, but at least you'll be keeping your side of the street clean.
Keep us posted on how this goes, okay?
Suzanne
Since you asked... I would be perfectly honest with her and tell her you cannot continue to sponsor her because it implies that you condone her activities - and you don't.
If I couldn't fire sponsees, I would have had to commit suicide as a way out of some intolerable situations I have found myself in.
If I couldn't fire sponsees, I would have had to commit suicide as a way out of some intolerable situations I have found myself in.
I have to go with what Mary Christine said. And there is no law that says you can't let a sponsee go.
Wow, that's tough, but I hear where you're coming from. You don't want to watch or be dragged into that train wreck coming down the line
Post a Comment
<< Home
