Friday, September 08, 2006
Creeping Dread and Impending Doom
For the past few days, I have been dealing with these feelings of creeping dread and impending doom. I am not entirely sure where these feelings are coming from. I am however, sure of three things that might be impacting my emotions. First, for the past few weeks my allergies have been kicking my butt. As a result, my sleep has been inconsistent. Second, since summer is over it is time to get serious about getting a serious job. I feel so inadequate when it comes to a job search. Third, my sponsor is still going off the deep end. She is still involved with the married newcomer. Waiting for that relationship to blow-up is like waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Right now I am working on acceptance. Acceptance has always seemed to quell my fears in the past. My backup sponsor has me reading page 414 of the Big Book on a daily basis. ¶ 9/08/2006 10:53:00 PM
Right now I am working on acceptance. Acceptance has always seemed to quell my fears in the past. My backup sponsor has me reading page 414 of the Big Book on a daily basis. ¶ 9/08/2006 10:53:00 PM
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Yikes I would fire her. Hang on things will get better. I am doing the same, praying to god and hoping he hears my prayers. I am going to post my resume on Monster. Maybe you should do the same. Keep tight sister.
Your sponsor is thirteen stepping??
Fire her and get a sponsor that works a serious program!
What kind of work do you do?
I was a bartender then quit drinking and at 38 I was hired (and trained) as a transit driver!!
Check into the local transit company. It is a good job.
Fire her and get a sponsor that works a serious program!
What kind of work do you do?
I was a bartender then quit drinking and at 38 I was hired (and trained) as a transit driver!!
Check into the local transit company. It is a good job.
I'm with you in the allergy business. WTF? I went for most of my life without them and then BOOM there they are.
Not for nothin' and hopefully not giving my 2 cents in error to you but the sponsor might need to go. Remember the early days when we were told that the sponsor is for US. Granted, I've held my sponsors hands too and I am not opposed but it could bring out some bad defects of character in you.
I changed sponsors recently and still see and speak with my old one but I totally needed to change. Things have "started moving" again for me in areas I was stuck. And new sponsor is a bit of an ass kicker (which I totally needed). Even with years of sobriety, we are still who we are.
I say this all in love, and hopefully not overstepping my bounds. Cos I love me some Trudge!!!
Not for nothin' and hopefully not giving my 2 cents in error to you but the sponsor might need to go. Remember the early days when we were told that the sponsor is for US. Granted, I've held my sponsors hands too and I am not opposed but it could bring out some bad defects of character in you.
I changed sponsors recently and still see and speak with my old one but I totally needed to change. Things have "started moving" again for me in areas I was stuck. And new sponsor is a bit of an ass kicker (which I totally needed). Even with years of sobriety, we are still who we are.
I say this all in love, and hopefully not overstepping my bounds. Cos I love me some Trudge!!!
# posted by 
: 12:27 PM
: 12:27 PM
I hope you will find a flashlight out of this dark phase Trudge.I understand the anxiety over the job search..that is natural I think for lots of us in the same boat.You keep taking good care of you and everything else will fall in to place at the right time.Trust the process.
Thanks for sharing and I am sending you big supportive cyber hugs:)
Thanks for sharing and I am sending you big supportive cyber hugs:)
# posted by : 1:20 PM
: 1:20 PM
I would tell you to pray for your sponsor, but I bet you already are. That is tough. Take good care of yourself. It is hard when we find our sponsors have feet of clay (just like the rest of us)
Draw your sponsors attention to this part of the big book...
If we are not sorry, and our conduct continues to harm others,. we are quite sure to drink. We are not theorizing. These are facts out of our experience.
Jeez. Thirteen stepping is SERIOUSLY poor ethics. The patient falling in love with the doctor etc. VERY deluded. Yeh, sure it happens in AA, but then all kinds of crummy behavior are around in aa, so that doesn't count for much.
Does this woman have what you want?
Newcomer???? Married??? Dear God. Well let it be a good lesson as to how disappointing some aa's can be in the area of personal relationships.
Well no wonder you have the feeling of impending doom!
Get someone to help you with your job search. Help put a cv together. Apply for LOADS of jobs. Even ones you don't really want. Its good practice and you can always turn the job down if you decide you don't want it.
Get books on how to do interviews. Tough interview questions etc. as 'you snooze you lose'.
Ask you higher power 'to be guided to the VERY BEST sponsor for YOU. to be guided to the VERY BEST meetings for YOU. to be guided to the VERY BEST way of practicing the programme for YOU.
Never mind your sponsor. Save yourself!! In my experience, saving my butt is a full time job. I save my 'helpful energies' for the most vulnerable people in AA, the newcomers. 'the newcomer is the MOST important person in the room' as they say. And the rest of my energy is ploughed back into making my life better.
Being helpful towards newcomers helps me maintain a positive and healthy mindset when ive got a lot on my plate. Or just being helpful generally.
Well im just glad you have a backup sponsor.
If we are not sorry, and our conduct continues to harm others,. we are quite sure to drink. We are not theorizing. These are facts out of our experience.
Jeez. Thirteen stepping is SERIOUSLY poor ethics. The patient falling in love with the doctor etc. VERY deluded. Yeh, sure it happens in AA, but then all kinds of crummy behavior are around in aa, so that doesn't count for much.
Does this woman have what you want?
Newcomer???? Married??? Dear God. Well let it be a good lesson as to how disappointing some aa's can be in the area of personal relationships.
Well no wonder you have the feeling of impending doom!
Get someone to help you with your job search. Help put a cv together. Apply for LOADS of jobs. Even ones you don't really want. Its good practice and you can always turn the job down if you decide you don't want it.
Get books on how to do interviews. Tough interview questions etc. as 'you snooze you lose'.
Ask you higher power 'to be guided to the VERY BEST sponsor for YOU. to be guided to the VERY BEST meetings for YOU. to be guided to the VERY BEST way of practicing the programme for YOU.
Never mind your sponsor. Save yourself!! In my experience, saving my butt is a full time job. I save my 'helpful energies' for the most vulnerable people in AA, the newcomers. 'the newcomer is the MOST important person in the room' as they say. And the rest of my energy is ploughed back into making my life better.
Being helpful towards newcomers helps me maintain a positive and healthy mindset when ive got a lot on my plate. Or just being helpful generally.
Well im just glad you have a backup sponsor.
# posted by : 2:44 AM
: 2:44 AM
When I am off physically it means I get off emotionally and spiritually. I am with you on the allergies and add a bit of PMS and we are feeling DANDY. I can deal. Not the best feeling but better than a hangover anyday.
This too shall pass, hang in.......
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This too shall pass, hang in.......
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