I have a situation that isn't the same but the question is. My friend went back out and while I want to remain available for her, I know I cannot let it get in the way of my own recovery. I've been taking it day by day. Just as in our own recovery, our service comes one day at a time as well. There have been days when I've been able to give her good advice and felt helpful. There have been others where I can't be around her. She is coming to understand that but it has taken some time. She was sober for 8 years but have been back out the last 9 months and can't find her way back. I That path is for her steps alone.
Your friend is in a very precarious situation and seemingly blind to the implications. I suppose just like a child, she will have to fall and pick herself back up again in order to learn how to walk straight and tall. We can only pray that the injuries of the fall aren't too severe. And help out with a bandage or two!
Peace................
 

I have faced this with 2 people in the past few weeks.
My sponsor said for me to just back off and keep them at an arms length. If they call, fine. But I don't need to go out of my way to help them if they can't or won't help themselves.
I will stay sober whether they do or not.
 

what Daave said!
 

Ditto. Also, I don't know if you've told her what you think and feel about the situation, but if you haven't, you probably should, just as you stated it in the post (i.e., You're not judging her, but ARE concerned for her and the destructive choices she's making, and their consequences for her and others, and while you want to support her in her sobriety and growth, you can't be around her when she's actively choosing this behavior because it impacts YOUR sobriety, too.)

I think people hold back from saying what is obviously true because they fear it will hurt the other person, but this is a case where NOT speaking up will in the long run be more hurtful.

Just my 2 cents.
 

I have told her. She says she is going to break it off after the weekend. Then she corrected herself and said she was going to break it off after the 16th. How is that for willingness.

Like I said, I need to focus on my own program.
 

I am grim and I know it, but:
At the funeral of the friend who recently died drunk, there were many AA members who were pounding their heads wondering WHY they didn't really firmly talk to the 13th stepper (with 16 years of sobriety). Who, by the way, now is in "Grief Counseling" - it makes me want to barf.
 

Hey, I'm sorry I got so preachy in the comment I left earlier. For some reason lately, I seem to think I need to tell everyone else how to live, and I can't even get my own life straightened out! How arrogant is that?! I'm trusting that this is just part of the process, and I'll start recognizing it as the character defect it is and just STOP. I sincerely apologize if I was out of line.

Your friend's response reminds me of an episode of The Office, where the women are in a special meeting and going around the table saying where they'd like to be in 5 years. Meredith, the alcoholic character responds "In five years, I'd like to be five years sober . . . 4 and a half."
 

This is when things get tricky. Pray hard. God will lead you.
 

that's a hard one
i see you,
jj
 

If you're shared the truth with her, then turn to more powerful means. Really strongarm her: Pray.

Much love to you,

Suz
 

You have one thing to protect and thats your sobriety. Stay away..
 

What LASH505 said, basically. ^^

Selfish program. In it for yourself. Etc.

Be there if they call. Don't be if they don't call.

Please take care. :-)
 

I am so grateful for this question -- and the answers shared. I've been in a similar situation with an AA friend and confused what to do. The drama is too much, so I pray and distance myself and try to stay focused on my program.
 

I know you've already gotten a lot of comments about this but I just gotta add my 2 cents.

Many times, I would try and "be there for people" in the program. I figured it was duty as a fellow member. Thing is, there are times when it is good to put space in between. It doesn't mean we stop loving them, just detaching. For safety's sake, it will save you some resentment traps.