Wednesday, November 02, 2005
Grief
Have you ever been in a car accident? You know how your whole body tenses up. That is how I feel. My shoulders feel like they are in a vise. I think I have been this way since I heard about the death of my friend Ted.
My German Lutheran upbringing tells me that I should not feel this way. My upbringing tells me I should not grieve for Ted. You only are supposed to grieve for relatives up to and sometimes including first cousins. We were not related. We were not even that close, in fact I do not think that I really knew him at all. I feel sad anyway.
Some of my grief is selfish. Ted and I had a lot of similar interests. He was a writer and we read each others stuff. I wanted him to go on reading my stuff. I wanted us to go on having conversations about writing, history and the absurdity of American culture. I want to see him walk into the 10:00 meeting this morning. That all died when Ted died last weekend. ¶ 11/02/2005 06:52:00 AM
My German Lutheran upbringing tells me that I should not feel this way. My upbringing tells me I should not grieve for Ted. You only are supposed to grieve for relatives up to and sometimes including first cousins. We were not related. We were not even that close, in fact I do not think that I really knew him at all. I feel sad anyway.
Some of my grief is selfish. Ted and I had a lot of similar interests. He was a writer and we read each others stuff. I wanted him to go on reading my stuff. I wanted us to go on having conversations about writing, history and the absurdity of American culture. I want to see him walk into the 10:00 meeting this morning. That all died when Ted died last weekend. ¶ 11/02/2005 06:52:00 AM
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What if you were very close to a second cousin? Are you not allowed to grieve over that person as well? What about your sponsor, or best friend, or favorite pet?
It must be a truly selfish entity that gives me orders over what I may grieve and what I may not.
Grieve away, my dear, grieve away. That shall be between YOU and YOUR Higher Power.
It must be a truly selfish entity that gives me orders over what I may grieve and what I may not.
Grieve away, my dear, grieve away. That shall be between YOU and YOUR Higher Power.
Hey Trudge - I was raised Catholic and let me tell you that should explain everything in my life! Forget about your German Lutheran upbringing and let yourself feel what you are feeling. You are grieving. Everyone grieves differenly. You lost a friend. You lost a part of your recovery so to speak. I'm sorry you are feeling this way Trudge but let you body and mind and soul feel and feel and grieve and know he is looking down from his place in the other side watching you and helping you.
Peace,
JJ
PS: OMG just tell me to shut up at any time.
Peace,
JJ
PS: OMG just tell me to shut up at any time.
I believe we grieve for lost Loved Ones! I am alot closer to friends, than 2 my supposed Relatives!
It is hard loosing someone we care about! :(
It is hard loosing someone we care about! :(
Let your body and spirit experience whatever feelings it needs to. It's another way that we "peel the onion" and subsequently, become closer to our Higher Power. Our emotions are ours alone and they don't always need a reason, they just need to felt and then released.
It is very sad to lose one of "us", for it could very well have been us.
It is very sad to lose one of "us", for it could very well have been us.
Feel it all feel it now. Or read my posting from Friday and feel it 25 years later and let me tell you it sucks like hell to hold it in and do what you're "supposed to do." Fuck whoever and whatever tells you who to grieve for.
Big Minnesota Hug to you Trudging. Big Big hug!
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Big Minnesota Hug to you Trudging. Big Big hug!
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