A God of My Understanding “If you want to stay sober,” the old timer told me, “you will have to get a God of your understanding, a higher power.” At the time that was an intimidating task. I believed in God, at least academically. The God of my understanding however, was not my higher power, I had no faith. You see my God was a very detached yet punitive parent. I conceded that this God probably could restore me to sanity but, I seriously doubted that he would. Instead I imagined my God looking down and saying “you got yourself into this now get yourself out of it.”
Fortunately along with this doubt, I had the “gift of desperation.” So when people told me to act as if I had a merciful God who could and would restore me to sanity, I did. I learned how to ask my God for help staying sober in the morning and thanking my God at night. Not long after I saw the miracles starting to happen not only in my life but the lives of those around me. Little by little I came to believe in a merciful and loving God. Today I believe in a God who not only can restore me but restores me everyday.  ¶ 4/04/2005 02:16:00 PM