Outright Mental Defective

Gratitude

2009-09-13T07:03:00.002-05:00

Thank you everyone for you kind words of welcome back. I am not sure exactly how I am going to use the Blog this time around. For starters however, I thought I would share what I am grateful for today.

A day of rest yesterday
The porch is finally almost finished
A good nights sleep
A new meeting starts tonight
My sponsor G

Hello

2009-09-04T13:09:00.000-05:00

Long time, no see how is everyone.

Mess

2008-07-31T12:32:00.000-05:00

Right now, I am a codependent mess.

Gratitude

2008-07-28T04:57:00.002-05:00

Sam left for Cub Scout camp yesterday
Chuck and I went to see Mama Mia
The return of Mad Men
Rain
Sleep

Gratitude

2008-07-25T17:06:00.001-05:00

The progress on our rental unit
Great weather
Sam is at Cub Scout camp next week
A good life

Eating Ourselves to Death

2008-07-22T06:01:00.003-05:00

I have a very good friend who is dying as a direct result of his addiction to food. He landed in the emergency room over the weekend, unable to breath. Yesterday the cardiologist told him that if he did not change his life style (diet, exercise and use of a CPAP machine) he could very well die in the next few years. He told me this dire prediction and then followed with, "but doctors always tell you your going to die." He said, trying to laugh the whole thing off.

Am I crazy? Do doctors always tell people they are going to die in the next few years if they do not do this or that? My doctor did tell me if I did not lower my cholesterol through diet (lets hear it for fish oil and oatmeal) she would have to put me on Lipator. I assumed that somewhere down the line I would be risking death but, she never said anything about a few years.

I hate watching people die from their addictions. I hate being powerless to stop it. I especially hate watching people I love die from their addictions. In my eighteen years in the rooms I have done far, far too much of it.

Gratitude

2008-07-21T07:21:00.002-05:00

Our whole family was sick over the weekend. I hate when that happens. Some kind of virus we think. Anyhow today we all seem a whole lot better.

Returning health
A good night's sleep

My Will

2008-07-20T04:33:00.000-05:00

My will doesn't always work so well.

Rebellion

2008-07-17T12:24:00.002-05:00

Right now, I don't want to do God's will, I want to do my will.

Help Me!

2008-07-13T14:24:00.006-05:00

I am struggling with one of my sponsees. I love her dearly and I am as close to her as anyone I have ever sponsored. She just celebrated two years sober and I have sponsored her twenty months of those two years. In spite of all these good things, I am not sure I can go on sponsoring her.

Why do I want to end the relationship? At two year sober she continues to have unprotected sex with men she barely knows. She lines up men the way I used to line up glasses of wine. All the while she plays the happily married suburban wife to her highly successful but clueless husband. I have suggested therapy, Sex Addicts Anonymous and several other things to no avail.

I was taught in this program that you never fire a sponsee. That if you fire a sponsee it is too much about you and not enough about them. As much as I love her I really do not want to be standing next to the tracks when the inevitable train wreck happens. What should I do?

Mold Update

2008-07-13T14:16:00.003-05:00

So far the damage has not been as extensive as we had feared. Some of it should even be a fairly easy fix. God, once again, has our backs. Funny how that works.

Mold

2008-07-09T01:22:00.002-05:00

Good News - Our tenants finally left.

Bad News - They caused much more damage to the unit than we anticipated. There were leaks they never told us about so now we have mold everywhere. Even in closets which I find very weird. Their side of the basement is flooded from one of the the leaks. The stove is in pieces and they spray painted the bathroom tile black.

We have learned a lot about being landlords from this experience. But unfortunately it is not going to be a cheap leason.

Gratitude List

2008-07-04T06:58:00.002-05:00

Happy Fourth of July everyone! When I was a kid the Fourth of July was always my favorite holiday. I loved it because it took place during that enchanted period of midsummer. Midsummer was safely buffered from school and other "real life" actitives by June on one end and August on the other.

As an adult, midsummer no longer provides the sanctuary that it once did. Every once in a while when I smell the intoxicating blend of humdity, Coppertone and plastic pool toys I am transported back to that simpler time.

4th of July
My home group meeting last night
Today's picnic

Gratitude List

2008-07-02T06:41:00.003-05:00

On May 23 we gave our downstairs tenants notice to move out on or before June 30.

We have had a string of problems with them. They have been late on the rent for months. In fact they still owe us $400 in rent from December and February. Both grandsons (its a grandmother and her two grandsons) have moved in their girlfriends who are not on the lease. (This is not to mention the half dozen or so other family members who live there on and off). In fact one grandson moved in his girlfriend and her(or their, I am not sure) two toddler children. The other grandson is "one of us," I think. As the result the police come by frequently, mostly for domestic disturbances.

We told them if they moved out on or before June 30 we will not evict or report you to the housing authority and Section 8. Guess what? They are still here. When my husband ask them yesterday when they were moving, they said that they were not going to move. When Chuck said we were going to have to evict them and they would lose their Section 8 status, the answer was, we do not care.

Gratitude List

2008-06-30T18:15:00.002-05:00

My happiness does not depend on what is going on around me
My sobriety does not depend on the sobriety of those around me
My future is determined by God and not the politicians and the economy

Please send a prayer up for my friend Margaret who lost her mother on Sunday.

Gratitude List

2008-06-25T05:29:00.003-05:00

I can always Let Go and Let God
For the most part I Live and Let Live
Even in the choas of a self imposed busy summer I am able to put First Things First
When I start to take myself and my activities too seriously I am reminded Easy Does It
And There But for the Grace of God Go I

Gratitude List

2008-06-23T13:14:00.000-05:00

Summer
Sun
Swimming

Gratitude

2008-06-09T05:38:00.002-05:00

Air Conditioning
Sleep
Service
This week I get to hear one sponsee's 5th step
I also get to hear another sponsee speak (she is the A.A. speaker at very large Al-anon anniversary)
Redemption

Gratitude List

2008-06-05T11:22:00.000-05:00

Sleep
Good health
Two running cars
The program

Gratitude List

2008-06-03T08:31:00.001-05:00

The quiet of early morning
Serenity
A useful life

Gratitude List

2008-06-02T16:42:00.000-05:00

A kick-ass God
Enjoying life
Encouragement
Peace
Love
Fellowship

Gratitude List

2008-05-30T07:35:00.002-05:00

Seeing one of my sponsee become a sponsor
Being comfortable in my own skin
Trying to live in God's will

Gratitude List

2008-05-29T05:04:00.002-05:00

Sam was student of the month for April
Sunshine
Prayer
Forgiveness
God can take what others intend for bad and turn it into something good

Belated Gratitude

2008-05-28T18:28:00.002-05:00

Grace
Mercy
Redemption
People who I love
People who love me

Hiatus

2008-03-17T10:29:00.000-05:00

Guys, I am taking a little hiatus right now. See you soon!

Gratutude

2008-02-01T08:45:00.000-05:00

Fridays
Many nights of good sleep
Chuck
Sam
My women

I am board

2008-01-27T18:58:00.001-05:00

I am board! I am not just board right now; I am board with this stage of my life.

I am not sure what to do about it. I sponsor women and I speak. I love my husband and I love our son but, it is just does not seem like enough. I want something to be interested in.

Thinking Myself Into a Hole

2008-01-25T08:56:00.000-05:00

I had a 24 hour bug yesterday and spent most of the day in bed. You know what they say, "an alcoholic by herself is in poor company."

Within just a few hours to I went from, "isn't this nice that I have the day to rest," to "everybody sucks." You know, everybody. My sponsor, my sponsees, my neighbors and most of all I just suck. Did I reach out to my A.A. sisters? No of course not I was too busy thinking about what was wrong with me and everyone else.

By last night however, I felt well enough to go to my home group. It is amazing what an hour in a meeting can do for my attitude. I went from thinking myself into a hole to feeling gratitude.

Gratutude

2008-01-23T12:43:00.000-05:00

Fresh paint
Abundance
Laughing with my husband
Second and even third chances
Newcomers

Martin Luther King Jr.

2008-01-22T09:00:00.000-05:00

I took this photo myself on the steps of the lincoln memorial

More of Wahsington DC

2008-01-18T11:43:00.000-05:00

Iowa

2008-01-18T08:33:00.000-05:00

I finnally downloaded my pictures from our October trip to Washingon DC. This is Sam standing in front of the Iowa section of the World War II Memorial. My Dad was from Iowa and fought in World War II

Gratitude

2008-01-10T11:53:00.000-05:00

Dinner with Hillary and her advice
A kick-ass God
The Program
My friendships with other women

More Conflict

2008-01-09T08:48:00.000-05:00

Oh, the conflict rages on. My A.A. friend M.J. is on vacation. Hopefully, she will get laid a lot and be in a good mood to discuss the lease when she gets back.

Now however, the Cub Scout conflict has just snowball out of control. One mother is talking bad about the den leaders(my husband included) to whoever will listen. Geeze all this drama for a group of 8 and 9 year old boys who get together three times a month to play games and do crafts.

Conflict

2008-01-04T14:00:00.000-05:00

Ooooooooo, there is lots and lots of conflict in my world right now. I have family conflict, Cub Scout conflict and of course the ever-popular A.A. conflict. The A.A. conflict centers on a lease that we have to sign with the Recovery Club where we have our meetings. This year the lease is full of all these crazy threats that my friend M.J. thought up. Things like our group will be fined if someone parks in front of the sidewalk even though it’s not marked and perfectly legal to park there.

Oh well, love and tolerance is our code….

Gratitude List

2007-12-24T12:20:00.000-05:00

It is Christmas
I have a roof over my head
I have food in my refrigerator
I have money in the bank
I have a son who still believe in Santa

Gratitude

2007-12-21T09:32:00.000-05:00

Chuck and I get to spend time together today
Christmas is almost here
Last night's A.A. meeting
Dinner with the women before the meeting

I Am Elmo

2007-12-20T09:19:00.001-05:00

If you want to find out which Sesame Street character you are click here

Gratitude

2007-12-18T17:17:00.000-05:00

Good health
A kick-ass God who never forgets me although, I often forget him
Many, many good nights of sleep
Another year of tracking Santa on NORAD
Glennie and all the A.A. women in my lives
Two new sponsees to work with

Thank God for "The Program"

2007-11-28T09:35:00.000-05:00

Oue son is driving us nuts. His ninth birthday is on Saturday and with that and Christmas coming up he is crazy. In addition the doctor just increased his Concerta. So we are not really sure if he is nuts because of the medication or he is nuts because of the anticipation.

Luckily however, I know why I am nuts. I also know that God has a plan and the plan is good. I also know I need to leave right now to get my ass to a meeting. See you later.

Gratitude

2007-11-26T11:36:00.000-05:00

A good Thanksgiving
A visit to the Peabody on Friday
Many good nights of sleep
Sam's Birthday is Saturday

Health Related Gratitude

2007-11-21T11:39:00.000-05:00

My annual physical is now over
My allergies are much better since I started taking Zyrtec last month
Heart is good
Blood pressure is good
Blood sugar is good
Cancer screenings all good
My cholesterol is...well I am supposed to start eating oatmeal and fish oil

Gratitude List

2007-11-13T09:02:00.000-05:00

I got to meet J.J. on Saturday(if only for a few minutes)
Sam's school year going so much better than last year
I finally faced my fear and had my "blood work" done this morning
Chuck and I had the day off together yesterday

Boston

2007-11-10T04:01:00.000-05:00

I am leaving for Boston in just a few hours for Boston. I am so excited I wrote J.J.'s number on my arm so I would not forget it. Just me, JJ and twenty five Cub Scouts.

Gratitude List

2007-11-05T18:28:00.000-05:00

I get to go to Boston this weekend
If all goes according to plan, I will get to meet the fabulous J.J. in Boston this weekend
Sam and I have Election Day off together tomorrow
Chuck and I have Veteran's Day off together on Monday
Sam actually helped bag-up leaves yesterday. He bagged up five bags of leaves all by himself. I think he is an alien child just pretending to be Sam.

Gratitude List

2007-10-26T20:28:00.000-05:00

Fall Colors
Haunted Houses
Apple Cider
Teddy Bears

Gratitude List

2007-10-24T08:04:00.000-05:00

The Third Step
Prayer
A good night's sleep
Being able to learn from others

My Mother

2007-10-23T04:30:00.000-05:00

I am having a hard time dealing with my mother since my father died. No, let me rephrase that. I am having a harder time with my mother since my Dad died. I have pretty much always had a hard time dealing with her.

I use to call my mother the Norman Vincent Peale of negative thinking. She has this grinding negativity about her. She can pick out the negative aspect to any event from a mile away. Her negativity is so much worse now, that she is grieving my Dad.

She won't however, go to grief counseling or take any of the other help the hospice has offered her. Instead she gets me on the phone and talks about the time she was snubbed at my cousin's wedding. The wedding was in 1969 and my cousin has been dead for ten years but, my mother is still mad about it. She has a million old wounds that she keeps bringing up like they happened yesterday. Most of the time I just cannot wait to get her off the phone.

Gratitude List

2007-10-22T19:00:00.000-05:00

Today I can follow through on things(if I so choose)
Today my friends are really my friends
Today I can get things done and take care of myself at the same time
Today I can choose to put first things first
Today I took the time to show appreciation to another human being

Love and Hygiene

2007-10-16T04:34:00.000-05:00

In his eight years of life, my son Sam has never been one to be very concerned about his personal hygiene. For most of his life he has been one of those kids you have to beg to take a bath, beg to comb his hair and brush his teeth. In the past couple of months however, he has been much better about personal hygiene. He has even gone so far as to brush his teeth without being asked.

Up until recently I credited his ADHD treatment and Concerta with his surge in personal hygiene. However, I changed my mind about that last week. When I got home from my home group Thursday night, he was in the bathroom brushing his teeth. When he saw me he spit out his toothpaste and said, “Mom why don’t we have any mouth wash?” “I don’t know honey, I guess your Dad and I just do not use it,” I answered. Then he looked at me serious as a heart attack and said, “well, we really should get some.”

I knew then and there that no amount of medication could bring on a psychic change like that. “It’s a girl,” I said to myself. And for once my assumption turned out to be right, I will call her Isabella. I am just happy that he brushes his teeth.

Posing

2007-10-11T12:48:00.000-05:00

Let the world know you as you are, not as you think you should be, because sooner or later, if you are posing, you will forget the pose, and then where are you? Fanny Brice A special thanks to ThinkExist.com

Gratitude List

2007-10-11T05:42:00.000-05:00

Struggle
Prayer
A Higher Power who always waits for me
Sam's year seems to be going a lot better than last year(thanks again for your prayers)
Options
Resources

The Long Weekend

2007-10-05T02:32:00.000-05:00

I am leaving in a few minutes for a long weekend in our nation's capitol. The last time I was there, I was still drinking. I was there for a conference and there was an open bar...you understand.

This is definitely going to be a different kind of trip. We are going to visit the National Mall and the Smithsonian. I will post at you all when we get back.

The Short Bus

2007-10-02T08:15:00.000-05:00

I am reading The Short Bus: A Journey Beyond Normal by Jonathan Mooney. If you have ever felt less than normal it is well worth the read.

Living by Comparison

2007-09-27T06:25:00.000-05:00

"I have the same measurements as Elizabeth Taylor. Her living room is nine by twelve and so is mine." Totie Fields

Special thanks to the Haunted Smile

Gratitude List

2007-09-25T08:34:00.000-05:00

M.J.
I get to go to a meeting today
I get to look for a new job today
I get to live another day sober
I get to help another alcoholic today
The leaves are starting to turn here in New England

More Meeting Stuff

2007-09-21T06:32:00.000-05:00

I talked to my sponsor about the what to do about the women's A.A. meeting. She suggested a few good ideas.

She suggested that we have a group conscience before we hit our one-year anniversary and talk about the upcoming year.
She suggested that at this group conscience, I suggest formalize some of our commitments. In other words instead of who ever shows first up chairs the meeting, we rotate the chair on a monthly basis.
She suggested that we flyer the A.A. community. I always asumme because we told "everybody" in November that "everybody" still remembers
And I will add one of my own, pray. Because, you guys are right, God chairs the meeting.

Death of an A.A. Meeting

2007-09-19T05:56:00.000-05:00

As much as I do not want to admit it, I think our Thursday women’s Big Book meeting may be dying. Attendance is way down. A couple of us started this meeting just last November and for a while we were getting six to ten women every week. The past couple of months however, we are lucky to get three.

A long time ago, an old timer told me that if I started a meeting I had to commit to it for a year. So, I committed to it for a year but now the year is almost up. Lately I been feeling like I am single handedly propping up a meeting that otherwise would have disbanded. I have to ask myself how much of this is about doing God’s will and how much of it is about my ego. You know the, “damn it I will make this meeting work” syndrome.

I should ask my sponsor about this but I think when we hit a year I am going to quietly back off. I will still attend on a regular basis but I am not going to be the one to always be there. I am sad about it but it should not be “Trudge’s meeting” meeting like it seems to be now.

Gratitude List

2007-09-18T08:01:00.000-05:00

Peace of Mind
A road map for my job search
My friend M.J.
The Thursday Women's Big Book meeting
All my Blogger Buddies

Al-Anon

2007-09-15T07:08:00.000-05:00

I did not go to Al-Anon last night. My friend fell through and I chickened out on going by myself.

Gratitude List

2007-09-14T09:39:00.000-05:00

New computer
It's Friday
A good night's sleep
I am going to attend my first Al-Anon meeting tonight

Gratitude List

2007-09-13T10:36:00.000-05:00

For the ability to take criticism from friends
For learning how to distinguish my "stuff" from other people's "stuff"
For a good night's sleep
For a God who listens to my prayers

Gratitude List

2007-09-12T04:40:00.000-05:00

I got to go to a bunch of A.A. meetings last week
I got to help another alcoholic by meeting her at those meetings
Sam's school year has gotten off to a good start, and I am cautiously optimistic about the third grade
My friend Rob who gave me this computer

I Back!!!

2007-09-11T17:30:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the delay in posting. The motherboard on my computer went down last Wednesday. Luckily, I have a friend in the program who rebuilds computers and gives them away for free. The computer he gave me is better than the one I had.

I am feeling much better about my Dad, thank you all for your comments.

2007-09-04T03:21:00.000-05:00

Thank you everyone for your kind comments on Friday’s post. I really appreciate each and every one of them.

I never liked my father (click here to read the original post). Now he is dead and I feel awful that I did not like him more. I should have liked him more. Maybe I could have liked him more if I had tried harder.

I do not like my father for two reasons. First, a lot of my dislike of my father stems from me being my mother’s confidant growing up. As her sounding board, I took on much of my mother’s anger toward my father so that she did not have to. Then she could gush about how wonderful he was and what a great marriage they had.

Second, my father never seemed to like me. My mother said that he liked me, that he loved me and that I was his princess but, he often acted like he could not stand me. When I would get angry at the way he treated me my mother would say that it was because of his low self esteem and I needed to be more understanding.

I guess that everyone else liked my father. According to her she has been inundated by calls and letters from people who liked him. People who had nothing but, fond memories of him. I wish one of them was me.

My Father Died

2007-08-31T07:59:00.000-05:00

My Dad died yesterday. He was one of those guys who has been dying for the last twelve or fifteen years. Yesterday however, Walter Eugene did die.

He had been a artist before he went away to World War II. Then he spent something like three years in combat. He received two purple hearts and a bronze star for his valor. Then he returned to the states and worked at a department store for the next forty years.

He did not want to have a wake or funeral or have "any fuss" made over his death. My mother told me that he did not think there was anyone left who would remember him. And anyway if someone did remember him he wasn't sure he would want them at his funeral. We are not big on feeling emotions in my family.

Thursday Morning Gratitude

2007-08-30T06:24:00.000-05:00

Hillary and I are driving down to see Candy and go to a noon meeting with her
Hillary and Candy are two of my favorite people
My home group meets tonight
I get to go camping this weekend
School seems to be going fairly well for Sam (thank you for the prayers)
Concerta and the change it is making in Sam's life
Laughter
Other people's opinions of me are none of my business

Reality and Drugs

2007-08-28T10:44:00.000-05:00

"Reality is a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs."

Lily Tomlin with special thanks to the The Quotation Page

Happy Dance

2007-08-28T00:00:00.000-05:00

It is once again time for the happy dance picture! Why? Because, school starts today!! I had a great summer with Sam but, it will be wonderful to get back to the adult world. At least that is what I keep telling myself.

And if you wouldn't mind, keep Sam in your prayers today. He had such a rough go in Second Grade, I just pray that Third Grade will be better.

2007-08-27T11:05:00.000-05:00

When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.
Gracie Allen

Gratitude List

2007-08-26T05:29:00.000-05:00

My circle of women friends in Alcoholics Anonymous

My home group

Chuck is away this weekend so Sam and I have a Mom and Me weekend

Mad Men

Sleeping Around

2007-08-24T05:26:00.001-05:00

A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen
or twenty mistakes she's a tramp. Joan Rivers

A Drunk at the Meeting

2007-08-21T18:14:00.000-05:00

This morning a woman showed up at the 10:00 a.m. Alcoholics Anonymous meeting rip-roaring drunk and on a crying jag about everyone else's behavior. You know, we have all been there, she drank because her boyfriend did this and her boss did that.

My friend Ritchie, who works as a chemical dependency counselor, tried to talk her into going to detox. Actually a number of us tried to talk her into going into detox but, she was having no part of it. She seemed to think the world would cease to function if she wasn't busy running it. Oh yeah, been there done that.

Today, I am grateful that I was not the one drunk. I am also grateful that I no longer have to run the world.

Good, Better and Best

2007-08-20T09:01:00.000-05:00

". . . sometimes the good is the enemy of the best." Alcoholics Anonymous Comes of Age, page 110

Moms Mabley

2007-08-18T12:28:00.000-05:00

"There ain't nothing an old man can do for me except bring me a message from a young one."

Moms Mabley

Sam and Friends

2007-08-17T10:50:00.000-05:00

Totie Fields

2007-08-16T05:15:00.000-05:00

"I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is fourteen days."

Hartford, Connecticut's own Totie Fields.

Gratitude

2007-08-14T06:54:00.000-05:00

Sleep

Not going broke this summer

Fall, my favorite season, is just around the corner

Sam seems to be doing well on his medication

Life is full of opportunities

Mad Men

2007-08-12T05:38:00.000-05:00

If you have not already you have to watch Mad Men on AMC. Mad Men is brought us by Matthew Weiner the same guy who produced the Sopranos.

The characters smoke, drink and have dishonest sex all with seeming impunity. Unlike the real world however, it is all very hip, slick and cool.

Gratitude and Clara Bow

2007-08-11T04:01:00.000-05:00

A big shout out to Clara Bow, the "It Girl" of the 1920's.

Thank you everyone for all your wonderful comments on yesterday's post about Sam. I am grateful for every last one of you.

Gratitude List

2007-08-10T03:45:00.000-05:00

I am having trouble being grateful right now. Mostly, I am worried about Sam. He had such a rough year in second grade and third grade is just around the corner.

Last night's meeting
Prayer
Being able to start my day over at any time

Gratitude

2007-08-09T06:32:00.000-05:00

My A.A. home group meets tonight
Sam and I have had a good week
My sleep is much, much better than it was a few weeks ago
I finally saw my new Dr. last week(however, my physical isn't until November)

Gratitude List

2007-08-05T20:39:00.000-05:00

Vacation is over
Life is getting back to normal
I get to go to the morning meeting tomorrow

2007-08-03T04:34:00.000-05:00

A short vacation in New York City
Seeing the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island for the first time
Laughter
Love
The Thursday night women's big book meeting

Happy A.A. Birthday

2007-07-26T11:15:00.000-05:00

Please stop by and wish Yours Truly a happy one year sober anniversary.

My Father is Dying

2007-07-25T10:40:00.000-05:00

My father is dying. He has been dying on and off now for at least the last twelve years. Two weeks ago however, my mother finally put him in a nursing home. So, he must be really, really be dying this time.

The truth is I never really liked my father. As a kid, I took on my mother’s anger towards him. She would tell me all these awful things about him. She would tell me how pathetic he was and how pathetic all the men in her life had been. Then, when I got angry at my father for being pathetic my mother would become angry at me. “Why don’t you love your father, he is such a good man.” I learned several years ago that she was worried that was a lesbian because, I did not like my father and therefore did not like men. You just can’t win in my family.

So here it is years later and I understand what my mother did. I understand that what she did was wrong. I understand that her relationship with my Dad is not my relationship with him. And you know what, dying or not, I still do not like my father.

Concerta

2007-07-22T06:06:00.000-05:00

On Friday Sam was finally diagnosed as having Attention Deficit Disorder or A.D.D. She said he was borderline on also having hyperactivity. As some of you know, I have been worried about Sam for a while. So hopefully this diagnose will help provide the solution I have been looking for.

His doctor put him on a medication called Concerta. Concerta is essentially time released Ritalin. It is amazing the effect it had on him! About a half hour after I gave him his first dose he started cleaning his room. I kid you not! Then he spent an hour and a half drawing charters for a comic book that he created.

It is amazing what drugs can do when they are prescribed by a doctor and taken as directed. I don't know about you but, my drugs were rarely prescribed by a doctor and never taken as directed.

Eight Random Facts About Me

2007-07-18T18:11:00.000-05:00

Bobbie tagged me so here goes.

I did not learn to drive until I was 23 years old.
I learned to speak Chinese in college but, remember very little of it now.
I love to read biographies and autobiographies but, I almost never read fiction.
I met William F. Buckley and Elie Wiesel in the same year. (Don't ask me what year that was because it makes me sound really, really old.)
I am a morning person.
I have a thing for Jerry O'Connell.
This time of year, I miss the sweet corn in my home state of Iowa
I have the same name as my great great grandmother. (My mother assures me that I was not named after her, I just have the same name as her. Huh?)

Gratitude List

2007-07-14T01:45:00.000-05:00

Sam came home safe and sound
I got to go to the noon meeting and have lunch with M.J.
Another beautiful day of weather

Gratitude List

2007-07-13T01:27:00.000-05:00

Sam comes home from camp today
I got to see Candy at the meeting last night
All the sober women in my life
Blogger buddies
M.J. and I are back in contact

Gratitude List

2007-07-12T07:08:00.000-05:00

God
The heatwave is over!
God has provided a beautiful day
I have gotten to spend a lot of alone time with Chuck over the past few days
I have gotten to spend a lot of alone time with myself over the past few days
I get to spend the day tying up loose ends
My allergies are at minimum
Tonight's meeting of my A.A. home group

The Power of God

2007-07-11T05:01:00.000-05:00

My sponsee and friend Hillary celebrates one year sober today. The power of God goes deep!

Odd Sensation

2007-07-10T05:11:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, the camp bus pulled out of the church parking lot at 10:50 a.m. with Sam and 59 other campers on board. After they left, the first thing I did was drive to a noon meeting. It was a good meeting and I really needed to be there.

What an odd sensation not having Sam here. I did not realize how much he is on my mind in any given day. When I went to pick up movies after the meeting, I had to stop myself from picking up movies for him. And right now I keep thinking I need to fix breakfast for him. Only taking care of me feels to weird.

Summer Camp

2007-07-08T23:15:00.000-05:00

Thank you for all your comments on my last post, it really helped. Thanks for the prayer too, I can feel it.

In a little more than nine hours, my eight year old son Sam leaves for summer camp. I am feeling this odd mixture of emotion that I cannot quite describe. No, its more a roller coaster of emotion.

He has really, really been wearing me out this summer. He is so smart and he has so much energy that there is no way that I can even begin to keep up with him. In fact with Sam it looks like it is more than just having a lot of energy. It looks like Sam has some form of Attention Deficit Disorder. We are in the process of working with his doctor now. My husband, who also has ADD, has suspected Sam has it for a long time. I never however, never thought he did.

To add to the roller coaster have all been sick this week with a 24 stomach virus. Sam was the last and in fact is just getting over his virus. If he makes it to 3:00 am that will be 24 hours without running for the bathroom. Just in time to go to camp.

Worried

2007-07-06T21:25:00.000-05:00

I am worried about my husband. He has been sober a couple of months longer than I have been. We had our second date on my two year sobriety birthday.

About two years ago he stopped going to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. His reason for not going to meetings is that when we left Minneapolis four years ago he had to leave his home group, a Monday night men's group. Evidently that men's group is the be all and end all of meetings everywhere. Not only are there no meetings that live up to that meeting but, according to Chuck, there are no good A.A. meetings anywhere in Connecticut. That's right anywhere in the entire state of Connecticut. He actually said this to a friend of mine who then suggested that he try Western Mass.

At first I really did not care if he was going to meetings or not. I figured it is his recovery and he can do what he wants. But, I just cannot stand him right now. He is just so damn crabby and God is not doing what he wants fast enough.

Now, I am not prefect and I do not work a perfect program. There have been several times when I have gotten away from going to meetings. Then my ass catches fire one way or another and I find myself back in the rooms. Anyhow, who am I to tell him what to do.

If you pray, could you pray for us. The last time you guys all prayed for Sam, I could really feel it.

4th of July

2007-07-06T07:24:00.000-05:00

I spent the Fourth of July with stomach flu. Yippee! Instead of going to the picnic, I spent the day studying condition of the grout on my bathroom floor. And yesterday was a total washout as well. Oh well, life on life's terms right? Today I am greatful for:

Today's trip to the Eric Carle Musuem of Picture Book Art
Food sounds good today
Prayer
Last night's women's Big Book study

2007-07-02T19:23:00.000-05:00

Wow, the summer has really gotten away from me. Things are still going well. Our money situation is still slowly working itself out. A little too slowly at times but, it is all good.

One of my sponsees is getting high and another is about to celebrate a year clean and sober. And the nice thing about all of that is I am not God and I am not responsible for their recoveries. I just get to witness the miracles.

Last week Sam had Vacation Bible School and next week he is of to sleep over camp. It is Sam's first time away at camp. In fact it will be the first time he has been away from both of us for more than one night. So far I am fine but, ask me again next week.

Today I am grateful for:

Terrific weather
Good health
Love
Sam's buddy Stevon

Gratitude List

2007-06-21T05:05:00.000-05:00

Sam and I are going to Dinosaur State Park today
Our "money situation" is working out
I live 45 minutes from the ocean, not bad for a girl from Iowa
My A.A. homegroup meets tonight
I beat Sam to the computor this morning(take that you 8 year old)

Gratitude List

2007-06-18T06:23:00.000-05:00

An awesome weekend and the sunburn to prove it
I get to speak at detox on Friday night
The boy and I have things to do today
Money from Chuck's Dad

Gratitude List

2007-06-15T06:12:00.000-05:00

A kick-ass always with me higher power who I call God
Last day of school for Sam
Last night's meeting of the Happy, Joyous and Free group of Alcoholics Anonymous
An unexpected call from Candy
T made it back to the rooms
Sex(there I said it)