TedI am writing this at work and I don't have much time to go over it so I hope this makes sense.
I had the coffee commitment for the Sunday Night Step Meeting for October. I was making coffee in the kitchen of the club last night when Carol came in and asked me if I had heard about Ted. "Yeah, he is on another bender," I said. Ted had the habit of going out every few weeks or months sometimes for a day sometimes for a year. "No," she said. I looked in her eyes and I knew what she was about to tell me. "Is he dead," I asked. Carol nodded in a agreement.
I shook my head in frustration. I liked Ted a lot. I was a writer and I loved talking to him. He could tell a story that would convince almost anyone of almost anything. I wanted Ted to get sober as much as I have ever wanted anyone to get sober. But the man who was so convincing just could not convince himself to get sober.
"Suicide," I asked. "He was found on his kitchen floor open bottles everywhere," she reported. "No one knows exactly what happened yet," she continued. I did not really know what to think or feel. I wasn't really surprised. I was sad because as long as Ted was alive and kept coming around there was hope. Now the only hope I have for Ted is he is at peace. Maybe that is the best hope of all.
¶ 10/31/2005 10:14:00 AM16 commentslinks to this post
Sunday, October 30, 2005
Nightmare on Main Street Every year the Saturday before Holloween our town hosts Nightmare on Main Street. This is where the kids go trick or treating on our town green. There are puppet shows, hayrides and a haunted house in addition to the candy.
Sam wanted to be a vampire this year. Ah there is my little undead. Believe it or not in past year this kid was a cat, a cowboy, a teddy bear and an angle. O.K. he was two for the angel costume but he was an angel non the less.
¶ 10/30/2005 07:25:00 AM7 commentslinks to this post
It Must Be Friday
We are going to have dinner with my mother-in-law and step father-in-law tonight. The stated purpose of the visit is to say goodbye before they fly off for the annual winter in Tucson. In reality however, Vince who is just a few weeks shy of 85 was given only four months to live over a year and a half ago. He defied all odds but now he is really failing.
So we are not going to say goodbye until Christmas we are going to say goodbye forever. I hate that. I am however, scared not to pretend that its just goodbye for now. I am really not good with this kind of thing. All I can really do is just keep praying for God's will and keep turning my own will over. I hate that too.
¶ 10/28/2005 04:15:00 AM5 commentslinks to this post
Do I Want to Get Well
And when Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time he asked him, "Do you want to get well?" John 5:6 In other words, we were entirely ready to have God remove these defects of character. Step Six. Am I entirely ready today?
¶ 10/24/2005 08:51:00 AM12 commentslinks to this post
I am a big chicken! Cluck, cluck and cluck! I chickened out at my doctors yesterday.
Let me fill you in. I have a surgical tube in my left ear. How it got there is a long and uninteresting story. The doctor has been wanting to take it out for several months now. I just do not want to take it out right now. I did not realize that I did not want to go through with it until I was in the chair. There I was with the needle pointed at my ear and I could not go through with it.
As far as I am concerned, there were two cool things that happened in 1981. First I graduated from high school and Charles Rocket said the F-word on Saturday Night Live. Danger High Voltage posts:
Actor Charles Rocket, whose unscripted ( PASTE F-WORD HERE) on "Saturday Night Live" in 1981 cost him his network television job, has committed suicide by cutting his throat, police said on Monday. Rocket, 56, was found dead behind his Connecticut residence on October 7 with his throat slashed, said Connecticut State Police Sgt. J. Paul Vance.
Environment Trumps Family History
For those of us who are both in recovery from alcoholism and have children, there is good news. Yahoo News reports: A family history of alcoholism has little to do with the age at which a child takes his or her first alcoholic drink, a U.S. study finds.
Drunken Horse Thief
When I first sobered up there was an old timer who always used to say, "what you get when you sober up a drunken horse thief?" The answer is the old adage, a sober horse thief. The questions is am I still a sober horse thief today?
¶ 10/15/2005 08:52:00 AM5 commentslinks to this post
A few days ago a woman who I have never seen before, showed up at my A.A. meeting. She shared that she had been in and out of rooms for 14 years and she can not understand why she keeps drinking. “I don’t know what is wrong with me,” she said. “Why do I keep drinking when it causes so much trouble,” she continued.
After the meeting I approached her. I prayed before I approach her because, I did not want to just be a smart ass about the whole thing. “I know what is wrong with you,” I said. “You do,” she said, taken a little aback. “Yeah you’re an alcoholic just like me, and there is a solution,” I said. She laughed and then patted me on the shoulder in the same way you pat a small child on the head. “Oh,” she said you are funny. The sad part is I was not being funny at all.
¶ 10/13/2005 04:38:00 AM8 commentslinks to this post
I am feeling much better today. Thank you for asking. When I was not sleeping, I spent yesterday sucking on zinc tabs and watching the History Channel. I love the History Channel. I did manage to make the morning meeting but, I did relapse on my Coca Cola addiction. I swear I went into the Short Man’s Smoke Shop intending to buy Sprit as Scott had suggested. Oh well today is a new day!
¶ 10/12/2005 06:01:00 AM2 commentslinks to this post
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
My Higher Power, who I choose to call God, really does give me everything I need. Last night I was a little anxious and fearful because I did not get a work call for today. This morning the cold I have been trying to fight off has taken over my body. God gave me everything I need, a day to be sick.
¶ 10/11/2005 05:40:00 AM6 commentslinks to this post
Monday, October 10, 2005
Our New Heliport Welcome to our new heliport. We got it finished right on time. It was tough finishing on schedule though. First, we only had a weekend. Second, during this weekend New England was experiencing torrential downpours. It was worth it, after all Sam is our only child.
¶ 10/10/2005 02:21:00 PM5 commentslinks to this post
As I mentioned in yesterday's post, we took our son Sam and his friend Spencer to the Basketball Hall of Fame yesterday. At lunch Spencer was complaining about his four year-old brother Max. Spencer was upset about something Max was doing. I asked him what he did when he was upset with Max and he said serious as a heart attack, "I tell him Max you are totally nuts."
A Place for Me
I spoke the other night. Shared my experience, strength and hope with a small group of nursing home residents. Because it was a nursing home, I assumed that they would all be elderly. I assumed wrong.
I assumed wrong because, there was a number of young and middle age people. Most of these younger people were at the nursing home, at least in part due to their addictions. As a veteran of numerous institutions, had I not gotten sober, I could have easily ended up in a nursing home. Today, there are not readily accessible treatment centers and halfway houses like there was when I was getting sober. I understand from a couple of nurse friends of mine that a lot of people with addictions and mental illness end up in nursing homes now because there is no other place for them. I am grateful that, at the time their was another place for me.
¶ 10/09/2005 06:35:00 AM3 commentslinks to this post
Come a little closer, I have something to admit to you all. Are you ready? I am a people pleaser. Yikes, one of those! You see I went to my first chemical dependency treatment center shortly after Melody Beatie’s; Codependent No More became popular. We were all given copies of the book (at the expense of our insurance companies) and told to work on our codependence. I protested I was not codependent; I was not a people pleaser! I really wasn’t but it is hard to be codependent when you completely isolate yourself from the rest of humanity.
¶ 10/08/2005 04:55:00 AM5 commentslinks to this post
The Next Four Days
I have the next four days off from work. I was really excited that I have the next four days off until I realized so do my husband and son. Don’t get me wrong I love my family but four days of family togetherness, yikes. We were supposed to go on the Cub Scout campout this weekend but, it got canceled. So now we are all looking for something to do. Today, I want to go to Lake Compounce, Chuck wants to go to Boston and Sam wants to build a heliport on our roof. Somehow what ever we do I think the serenity prayer is going to play a big part for me.
¶ 10/07/2005 06:06:00 AM6 commentslinks to this post
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
I had the opportunity recently to spend a few days in our local high school. High school has not changed, not even a little bit. It is still just as brutal as it ever was. It is frightening actually. All the people you went to school with are still there. Not literally of course, your classmates are divorced, balding and living in Tempe, Arizona but someone else has taken up their role.
●The jocks, they are still there.
●The gay guy who is pretending to be a womanizer, he is still there.
●The burnouts or what ever they call them now, still there.
●The pregnant under classmen, they are still there.
●The invisible people are still there and still invisible.